HE’S IN! UP & COMING BETO JOINS DEM FIELD OF 52 SEEKING NOMINATION

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THE BUSINESS INSIDER: BETO SAYS HE GOT SOME OF HIS BEST ADVICE FROM BERNIE SANDERS


For Betoans Glory Days Are Back!

by Joseph Scodney                                                                             

HE’S IN! UP & COMING BETO JOINS DEM FIELD OF 52 SEEKING NOMINATION

What a time to be alive! It was an era of great hope and excitement for Texas, according to Betoans (not to be confused with the Bedouins, tribal peoples of the Arab World). No. These people are different but not extremely different, mind you. Arabs are a most wonderful, caring, and loving people as well. For Betoans (a descriptive name for Beto supporters, rumored to have originated among the people of Del Rio, TX either in May of 2018 or September of 2018), Texas would never be the same. Or would it? Indeed it would as Beto’s midterm Senate bid ended with the incumbent Ted Cruz’s victory. Ol “Lyin Ted” promised victory over Beto to his conservative Texas constituency, and this was one thing he did not lie about. Cruz managed to stay in the Senate for another term by virtue of a narrow victory over Beto, who was the greatest Democrat challenger to a Senate Republican in Texas in years.

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Five months later, now Texans can get behind their man again as he vies to become the Leader of the Free World. Even though Beto (real name: Bob O’Rourke) announced his run just yesterday, sources down in the Lone Star State are saying the energy there is palpable and has been that way since approximately 5:00 AM this morning.

In order to savor the moment, let’s go back in time to the fall of last year. There he stood, a man of morals and ethics, the antithesis of the vile hate-filled Trumpers! This was a man of true character. This was someone you could get behind and feel good about supporting him. While he campaigned with love, care, energy, compassion, joyfulness, hope, inclusiveness, understanding, and unyielding selflessness, people came in droves from all around to see him speak. One woman, Jean Trebil, drove all the way from Beaumont to Houston (DAMN! Now that’s a drive!) just to get a  glance of this “tall handsome glass of Jose Cuervo tequila.” Much to her amazement the crowd was not as large as she had anticipated, and she was able to meet Bob. Suffering from the pain of a broken toe since 1974, and wearing open toed sandals, she convinced Bob to kiss the injured toe. He obliged. After all, refusing to do so would have been selfish, and this man is anything but selfish. And thank God he did it, because her toe was thereafter completely healed. Unbelievable!

Another Beto Bob supporter, Hiram Denstial, a native of Waco, TX, had seen him give a speech in the Dayton, TX Kroger parking lot during the 2018 Senate run. He talks about it as if it were a religious experience of some kind. Denstial said he had not been so moved by someone else’s charisma since he was about eight years old living on a big piece of land just outside of Waco with his parents and other families who were part of a religious sect. Beto Bob, Denstial proclaimed, reminded him of his pastor in Waco; a guy whose first name he was sure was David, but he couldn’t quite recall his last name.   

Beto Bob’s Dayton Kroger speech changed everything for Denstial, and so he joined the campaign. He felt privileged to belong to such a great movement. “This,” he said, “was a movement for the people. It was happy in its mission of getting the smart dudes in our government to help us all by more of our people’s resources being in their control. This means now that things could be more fair, mostly for the poor folk. Hell I ain’t one to bitch about the government; don’t know where I’d be without them. Nobody else is smarter than them. They all smart, except for maybe dumbass Trump. Beto wanna help folks. Trump never helps us. He ain’t never done like us…volunteered at an abortion clinic or helped a drunk illegal immigrant get back across the border so cops can’t find him after he accidentally crashed. These people are my brothers and sisters, and even when they done wrong, I jus gotta turn the other butt cheek.”

Denstial spoke of grand experiences on the campaign trail. “The campaign trail,” he said, “was an extension of Beto Bob. It showed Texans that being good in politics is still alive and well. The proof for people to see came from our actions,” said Denstial. When asked about these actions, he gave me some details:

  • “We visited death row in Huntsville, TX, where we passed out candy and condoms to the inmates. We also gave ’em dime sacks of pot when the guards wasn’t lookin. Evry now and again I’d throw ’em a 8 ball of coke, some Xanax, you know…the good stuffs.”
  • “We volunteered at Planned Parenthood facilities around the state. At these facilities we were allowed to help counsel women having a tough time trying to decide as to have an abortion. They  was convinced, cuz we told ’em how great a burden on society their child would be.”
  • “We crossed the southern border a lot of times to smuggle in illegals, give ’em food and water, and tell ’em the weaknesses of US immigration courts that could help ’em screw over judges.”

“It was upliftin’ like none other to be doin such good stuffs,” repeated Denstial once again. So in honor of the return of the Beto Bob Glory Days, play for yourself this little ditty from his Senate campaign; an instant classic!



HE’S IN! UP & COMING BETO JOINS DEM FIELD OF 52 SEEKING NOMINATION

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