Stick it, Pick it, Stick it Again by Brian Earl Donson | FREE STATE FOOTBALL
What’s up dude? Yeah…I’m talkin to you man. Special shout out to the guy that reads this every week. “It’s fun to do hoodrat stuff with my friend. Fun to do bad things.” -the other LT. Actually, I guess it would be LM, but that doesn’t play. Now let’s talk football.
STICK: Min@NYG under 43.5
Wooooooo! Where to start?! I guess I’ll start with what I know: Gary. Kubiak.
Who the hell is coaching this squad anyway? This team went from being able to score points at will, to playing keep away and aiming short of the sticks on 3rd down. I’ve seen this before….throw out the chains! Matter of fact, I think Kubes has long been trying to cancel the whole chain gang crew anyway. I mean what the hell? It’s 2019 and we’ve got lasers and shit. I’m staying ultra woke on Kubiak pulling the strings behind this Vikings debacle. This is Zimmer’s team Gary. You thought you could just waltz in here and take over and he wouldn’t notice on account of the eye patch? Wow.
On the other side of the of the field, we got Daniel Jones looking fresh, but still very young. Daniel Jones was catching shit last week for what he was wearing pregame when he showed up to the stadium. Ummm, I’m sorry…did we all forget this kid was in college like 3 weeks ago? Show me some college aged male who has a closet full of designer suits & shit, and I’ll show you the suits he keeps in his other closet…..Talkin’ skin suits people. Full blown PSYCHO move to dress nice while in college.
Anyway, there’s a lot things going on here…but unfortunately, points isn’t one of them. Take the under.
PICK: Chi -5.5 @ Oak
Now this pick here….oh baby, pick me a winner. I mean I started furiously digging around for some gold, and I think I found some here. The thing about backup QB’s at any level of football: there’s always some preconceived potential for him to be better than the starter. It’s almost mythical. “This guy sucks! Put in the backup!” -some “just a guy” yelling at the TV & the people who evaluate football talent all day..everyday..365 DAYS A YEAR. Usually, I’ll be quick to clown any backup QB because of this ill advised fandom, but not in this particular situation. We’ve been closely watching EVERY SINGLE MOVE Chase Daniel has made on the sidelines for how long? I mean since college right? There’s legitimate hype here and I like it. Plus, the Bears D is literally knocking the snot out of opposing offenses, so surely the Raiders are feeling pretty nervous about this Khalil Mack revenge game. Like the Raiders are little kids who are tucked in all snug in their race car beds, drifting away to sleep when suddenly they unconsciously remember the boogie man exists. I’m hyped up for this one. It’s too bad this isn’t the MNF game. Prime time with Joe and Booger on the call? I wish.
Don’t pick too hard or you might hurt your brain. Be easy and trust that the Bears got the Raiders absolutely BOOGER-ED. Ok, I promise that was the last one. Bears -5.5
STICK: Baltimore -3.5 @ Pittsburgh
Damn the Steelers looked good last week, but let’s be honest, they were just slapping around their old divisional punching bag out back. Ma’s out there yelling at them from the porch “yinz don’t stop hitting until that thing is black and yellow black and yellow black and yellow!”.
Ugh. I’ve written some dumb ones in my day, but that one was by far the dumbest. So much so, that I don’t even think I can just pass by it like it didn’t happen. There’s no way to atone for it. That joke was bullshit and unacceptable. I want me to sit here and think about what I did for a while. I want me to get my Nintendo 64 taken away while I bask in the perils of my own mistakes. “Hey Me! Can I go to the movies tonight? There’s this new movie out that me and the fellas are gonna catch…Never Been Ki—NOOOO.” YOUR ASS IS GROUNDED AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY. THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME YOU MANAGED TO GIVE YOURSELF A HAIRCUT WITH THOSE PLASTIC SAFETY SCISSORS. AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING YOUR ME, WE’VE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS AND HIS ANSWER IS NO TOO!!”
Well shit. Y’all let me know how this one turns out…I think I just lost my weekend TV privileges too.