UGA Sexual Guidance During COVID | Victor Takacs

The University of Georgia should be extremely proud of its preparations for the upcoming fall semester. This is a university that prides itself on a maximum and sustained commitment to the safety of all of its students at all times. Seeing as that we are in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, other universities are wasting their time buying up disinfectant in record numbers. Furthermore, they’re implementing social distancing guidelines in lecture halls and in classrooms.

UGA on the other hand is destroying the virus where so few are attempting to do so: inside the college student’s bedroom. That’s right! The University has issued guidance for protection against the spread of COVID-19 during sexual situations. Abstinence, it seems, is something that was only practiced during medieval times. Therefore, the pervasive logic today is that if you can remember to wear a condom, what the hell is one more thing to wear?

Put those masks on boys and girls! Imagine the horrors of moms and dads of freshmen Bulldogs. Some may have learned only two months ago that the mascot of their child’s new school is the bulldog. Now they’re learning that the administrators at their child’s new school are promoting “doggy style” sexual encounters. They are the bulldogs after all.

This reminds me, I’d tell you about “bull style,” but I wouldn’t want you to lose your dinner. Just kidding. I’m unfamiliar with any sexual act being known as “bull style,” but that it does not exist, I am unable to confirm nor deny. Unfortunately as perverse as our modern day society is, it would not surprise me in the least if this hypothetical “bull style” sexual position did in fact exist. Parents of UGA students: rest assured that your sons and daughters are in extremely good hands! This is the UGA sexual guidance during COVID.