Are Millennials Ruining Fridays? An Investigation | Joseph Scodney
An Analysis of Business Insider Article
Casual Dining is in Danger — and Millennials are to Blame.
Brands such as TGI Fridays, Ruby Tuesday, and Applebee’s have faced sales slumps and dozens of restaurant closures, as casual-dining chains have struggled to attract customers and increase sales.
Case closed! Slam the door shut on this investigation. Millennials are ruining Fridays. TGI Friday’s. What a flippant group of people. To quote the great Mike Gundy, “Where are we at in society today?” If there’s anything more American than TGI Friday’s, I’ve never heard of it. By God, it was the ORIGINAL singles bar in New York City. TGI Friday’s was the jam!
I polled some millennials about the food and memories made at TGI Friday’s. Here’s what they had to say:
They used to have queso fries and they were
One time I went on a date with a girl and let her pick the place. She picked that shit. I think I ate some Cajun pasta or some shit.
It was like that bourbon chicken or something.
The sign out front said “no vaping” so I put my head down and scootered back home.
Grown up mac n cheese with grilled chicken. I haven’t been there in at least 10 years though so I have no idea if it’s still on the menu–getting drunk there one night in college for free.
Noah F. coming in with the hottest take of the night.
Why are millennials turning away from TGI Friday’s?
They like to cook and stay home
Probably because they don’t have a drivers license yet. This is either because of a procured crusade to protest against the need to have a license to drive, pure laziness, or the crippling fear of having to attempt the driving test.
They like to use food delivery services
Probably because they don’t have a drivers license. Driving means responsibility, and my lord, they don’t want that.
They like “quicker” restaurants
They like going to those places that just have the food sitting out on a table separated by a big glass sneeze guard. All they have to do is point to what they want. Which is good because they don’t have to remove their ear pods, or actually speak to another human. All about that podcast life. This “restaurant” is the type of place that makes your clothes smell like their shitty food ALL DAY LONG.
They do not like “casual eating”
Millennials like going to those hip eateries that serve organic tater tots smothered in Greek yogurt and some kind of cheese that I can’t even pronounce. Oh, and a fried egg. Millennials are suckers for anything topped with a fried egg. You know the place. The one with the wild electronic music playing at volume level 10. The type of music that makes you feel like you jumped in a front load dryer with the spin cycle turnt all the way up. The type of place where you ask your server for any domestic light beer and they laugh so hard that their half beanie flies off their head. IPA’s and craft beer only, bro. Millennials like the ambiance of places like this. I went to this type of establishment once and it wasn’t more than five minutes into my experience when I noticed my OWN HEAD floating by on a string…
Millennials can’t separate from their phones
Millennials cannot put their phones down long enough to actually enjoy a fine establishment like TGI Friday’s. They can’t look away from the Spongebob meme and enjoy the spectacular atmosphere at TGI Friday’s. They don’t have the ability to sit back, relax, and enjoy the Jack Daniels chicken tenders.
PS- Since we are talking about Fridays, enjoy one of the top 5 movie scenes of all time!