by Mort Collin
Senate Minority Leader Chucky Schumer (D-NY) made a visit to a US Department of Homeland Security Customs and Border Patrol facility Friday. The location of the facility is in close proximity to the US-Mexican border in McAllen, Texas. Senator Schumer was able to uncover one of the worst crises in the history of our nation. That’s right! His impeccable investigatory skills helped him discover the plight of a migrant child who had been unable to brush his teeth. To ease your outrage, please understand that the child appeared to be comfortable inside the facility in the cool air of the AC, he seemed to be well fed, and was deemed to be safe and healthy. But that damn toothbrush! This is a huge human rights issue; not to mention the fact that every child at the facility was going without dental floss as well as their own personal bottle of mouthwash. Shameful!
We are extremely thankful that Mr. Schumer has brought this to the attention of the American public. However it is rumored among the senator’s staff members (past and present) that the senator himself rarely brushes his teeth. When questioned about this rumor, one staff member remarked, “Shit! You’re looking for proof that he doesn’t brush his teeth? All you have to do is talk to the man with your nose within two feet of his mouth, and the proof is undeniable.” What’s more in years past, tourists to Capitol Hill have voiced their unfortunate ability to smell the senator’s halitosis all the way up in the Senate Gallery when he spoke on the floor.
NON-CITIZENS without a toothbrush may spark outrage among some Americans, but I wonder if US CITIZENS with nothing sparks the same outrage.