by Joseph Scodney, Free State of V
Is Ted Koppel alive?
You can bet your bottom dollar he is. That’s what is so interesting about Koppel. He makes an exodus from the public eye as quietly as he sneaks right back into its focus time and time again. Can we really be sure Ted Koppel is alive? Come on now. Of course we can, and he’ll prove it once more in 2023 at just around the same time the American public begins to think he’s dead…again. Just as smoothly as he would navigate us through compelling Nightline content, he continues to navigate his way right back into the public domain, and if only for a brief spell, there he stands in our midst, toupee and all.
Many modern day scholars, journalistic anthropologists, and even some cartographers are seeking an answer to one of the more compelling questions of our time: What is the answer now when conservatives ask, “Is Ted Koppel alive?” Quite frankly, they may feel as though he is in fact more alive now than ever. You see, Koppel presented some interesting points about today’s mainstream media, now forever changed by the forty-fifth president of the United States. Conservatives should be happy about Koppel’s criticism of the mainstream media because of its constant obsession with trashing the president.
In a sit down with other journalists a couple of months ago, there he was for all of America to see. So many people wondered and questioned both themselves and others. They asked, “Is that Ted Koppel? Is Ted Koppel alive?” We all know the truth of course. Ted Koppel is alive. Elaborate rumors about Koppel’s death flow forth because of his absence from television since his retirement. In other words it’s almost hard to imagine the end of ABC’s Nightline without the end of Ted Koppel so to speak. Just how good was Ted Koppel? No other person on Earth could host a serious show on one of the three major networks (ABC) and even come close to competing with the comedic acts of the other two (CBS and NBC).
Here’s where it gets satirical, and yes, a bit odd. You see ladies and gentlemen; there’s God, then there’s family, and then there’s Ted Koppel. Yes that’s right. He is after all, the man, the myth, the legend. As Koppel’s star grows with each subsequent once-in-a-score appearance, rumors abound that Chuck Norris fluctuates back and forth between overwhelming states of fear, sadness, and rage. The all too familiar “Badass Index” shows an ever narrowing gap between Ted Koppel and Chuck Norris. Unwilling to relinquish his first place position in the “Badass Index” for the first time since the pilot of Walker Texas Ranger was shot on location in Navasota, TX, Norris knows his days at the top are numbered. Only time will tell what insane asylum Ol Chuck is to soon call home. Your prayers are much appreciated.
Ted Koppel knows what he’s doing. Is Ted Koppel alive? Pssssshhhhh! Duh! He’s not just alive; he’s infiltrated conservative ranks so as to garner favor from them, thus creating an allegiance to himself among millions of patriotic Americans. Once major fans of Chuck Norris, these millions curry favor with Ted now. In a relatively surprising monologue from Koppel during this past weekend’s appearance on network television, he warned of a mainstream media that continues to be less objective by the day. Whether or not it was his intended purpose, Koppel spoke for the president and conservatives alike as he criticized major media outlets such as the Washington Post, the New York Times, and MSNBC. He did, however, manage to get some jabs in at Fox News as well. Now, Koppel is no ardent Trump fan, and of that we can be sure. He is however an objective journalism fan, and it’s telling that at the present time, he acknowledges major media biases that have had a drastic effect upon many Americans and their view of the US government, etc. These are Ted Koppel’s remarks from a couple of months ago: